#The milk scene 💀

[chameleon8]

told one of my friends about Fablehaven/Dragonwatch today and I was like “but don’t read it tho” So they were like “what’s wrong with it?”

(Now they often read books that make you wanna throw them across the room, so they’re used to that sort of thing) And I was like “Do you want me to start with the first book?” long story short I think I traumatized them

[rio-ot]

We as a society moved on too quickly from this methinks

[askblueandviolet]

baihe was out and about when the sky was cracking ! u sure u didn’t portal her (and mao <3) outta her house for apocalyptic freedom ?

MASTER POST

Asks Start 💜

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[roobgumball95]

forgot my IRL is subscribed to my AO3. so my heart hasn’t actually beat for the last forty five minutes.

[lcriedlastnight]

hi! was wondering if you could write something for your special for lando?

i was thinking something to do with his nose scar. idk if you can do something with that or not 💀

tysm and congrats!

ofc i can, i am screaming at this btw.

1k words

everyone knew lando was a party animal, it was the first thing you knew about him when you met him. he loved a good party and he loved a good time. you weren't as fond of the party scene but you knew when lando wanted you there, to be there for him. the celebration in amsterdam for kings day was one of those ones where you had decided that your presence was not, in fact needed and you could spend the week prior to the miami grand prix at home catching up on your current favourite tv show.

getting a call from your drunk boyfriend about some injury was not on your plans for the day however.

"heyyyy baby! where are you?" lando slurred through the phone when he had first called you. at first you had thought it was just another one of lando's famous drunk phone calls where he goes on and on about how much he misses you and how if you really wanted to he could get you on a flight to come and see him in thirty minutes - as if you could pack a weeks worth of clothes and get to the airport in that time. drunk lando was overly positive.

"hi lan, what's up?" you ask, padding through your shared living room, one hand holding your phone to your ear and the other holding the popcorn bowl.

"i look like a mummy right now!" he laughs down the phone. his laughter makes you giggle too even though you have no clue what he's on about.

"my nose hurts thoouugghh. smashed a glass on it." he complains as if it didn't just make you stop in your tracks and almost drop your very full bowl of freshly popped popcorn.

"you what? you smashed a glass on your nose? are you alright?" you quiz, worry laced throughout your voice. lando it's that drunk that he can't pick up on it. he just lets out a giggle and says something to someone near him before his attention is back on you.

"yeah! blood was everywhere, baby!" he says, much too positive for the contents of the sentence. even though you felt your throat close with worry for him you knew it couldn't be that bad or else you would've known much before now and lando wouldn't be as upbeat as he was right now.

"really? are you alright now?" you ask him, setting up the couch with blankets for your binge session. there is shuffling over the phone and then lando is mumbling again.

when he does answer you it's tipsy reassurance and its then that you realise that you won't know how bad it was until you either see him in person or speak to him when he's a little more sober than right now. you chat to him (entertain his drunk yapping) for a little while longer before you hang up to actually start your tv show and to let him get on with his partying.

★・・・・・・★

the next time you see lando is two days after, he had arrived in miami where you were waiting for him at the hotel and it was safe to say you had no idea on what his injury would be like. when you met him in your shared room and you seen him with the bandage on his nose, the first thing you did was coo. it was all you could do, you literally melted at him.

"oh baby." lando gives you a guilty smile, not knowing whether or not to milk his injury to get extra affection from you or to just be honest and say that it didn't really hurt as much as it did when he first cut it. the former was calling his name though.

you baby him all weekend until you see him cross the chequered flag first for the very first time and then, well let's just say the babying was put on hold for a little bit while you showed him just how proud of him you were.

laying in the hotel bed with him that night watching some random episode on the hotel tv, you turn to him and say "maybe you should hurt yourself every weekend so you can win every race for the rest of the season."

lando rolled his eyes and lightly shoved his palm in your face to shut you up.

★・・・・・・★

it was another win later when you realised just how obsessed you were with the little scar left on his nose from the incident. you had obviously noticed it before now (you had a serious problem when it came to staring at lando's face) but it wasn't until you were in singapore when you really noticed just how much you adored it on him.

the hotel lighting was dim, barely lighting up your favourite thing to look at when bored but it would do as both you and lando couldn't be bothered to turn anymore lights on or even turn the lamp on the bedside off. your fingers danced across his cheeks and along his jawline to then swipe across his eyebrows. you didn't know if it was the lighting or what it was but the scar kept catching your eyes and your fingers just kept coming back to swoop down over it, ever so gently like it was still fresh and sore.

"why'd you keep doing that?" lando mumbles, clearly half asleep but noticing the repeating motions of your fingers gliding down his nose and specifically his scar.

you aren't sure you have an answer to his question so you hesitate on replying to your half asleep boyfriend. your fingers now actively avoiding his nose altogether.

"doing what?"

lando huffs and opens one eye to look over at you. you are eye to eye with him, both of you laying on your sides facing one another.

"touching my nose. and my scar." lando points out. he knows that you knew what he was talking about and he was not here to beat around the bush.

"dunno." is your reply. "it's just cute. you suit it."

lando isn't sure if it's a compliment or not but he takes it as one as he lets his eye close again and moves so he is resting his chin on top of your head. he also isn't sure if it is possible for someone to suit a scar but instead of questioning you he just wraps his arms around you tighter. a conversation for the morning, he thinks.

[zepskies]

hiiii, i hope your friday is going well lovely 💞💞 :) how has your week been?💕

i’m currently stuck at work and it’s beeeeeen quite the day already, but you always cheer me up so i have a random question :p

i’m thinking about the scene when dean tried cafe con leche in the midnight espresso-verse (also i’m a barista loll🥲), and he was pleasantly surprised, so it has me wondering;

if they were to get something besides plain coffee, what do you think dean/ben/beau/russell would like to drink if they ordered at a coffee shop?

i always love to hear any and all your thoughts 🙂‍↕️🤍

Hello my lovely! 💞💞 I actually am in recovery this week after having a surgical procedure yesterday, so I'm finally getting a chance to catch up on my TBR reading and the shows I've had on my watchlist. 🤪

Ooh introducing Dean to Cuban espresso was the scene that inspired that whole fic of Midnight Espresso, and ultimately turned it into a whole series of Dean x plus-sized Latina fun!! lol

This is such a fun question though!! You as a barista probably know way more about coffee than I do, but here's my take on these guys' orders...

HEADCANON: What Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, Soldier Boy (Ben), and Russell Shaw would order at a coffee shop. ☕

Dean Winchester

Why, an espresso of course! 🤎

Cram that little cup full of sugar, and you've got Dean hooked on a heavy-hitter fix that'll keep him up during long research sessions. (It also gives you the opportunity to distract him from said research, give him a taste of another steamy fix. 😘❤️‍🔥)

Beau Arlen

Ooh I feel like he'd protest at first and claim to solely drink Americanos, but he's a basic latte guy.

Hit him with some caramel or hazelnut, and he's happy. But you could also hook him into being a little adventurous with a pistachio or "brown sugar" latte lol. Like most things, Beau is willing to try almost anything once. 😉

Soldier Boy (Ben)

So he's definitely going to be thrown by all the modern selections of coffee. (i.e. "What the fuck is oatmilk?") And how the hell can you get milk out of cashews and almonds?

All the health crazes, "drip" coffee, and milk alternatives are definitely going over his head, or he's mocking them. ("Save that pussy drink for Hughie." 💀)

But one thing he might go for, other than a black coffee, is a nice cold brew, hold off on too much foam -- can't be getting the milkstache, now can he? But he'll like it even better if you make it "Irish." 💚

Russell Shaw

Last but certainly not least, we have Russell! I don't think he's picky about his coffee, considering he probably drinks a lot of free motel coffee. lol

But! I think he'd appreciate a nice flat white at a proper café. It's more robust than a normal cappuccino and less milk, so he'd argue that he's getting more "bang for his buck." 😂

AN: @wvffles Hope you liked this little headcanon, friend, and that it cheers you up! I LOVE me some coffee, so this question with the guys was really fun to contemplate. 😘☕

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[enchanteleclerc]

strawberries and cream 🂱 cs55

genre: 18+, literally pwp, fem!reader who’s the sister of carlos’ best friend?? LMAO

word count: 2.5k

You seem to enjoy the company of your brother’s best friend. Especially right now, over some breakfast of pancakes, thinking you may never look at strawberries and cream the same.

a/n … idk how my last post did pretty well but thank u all for the support !! still learning how to write smut (and write in general bc i never write in uni 💀) this was heavily inspired by that one serena and nate scene i hope u guys know which one i’m talking ab :))

warnings … penetrative sex, semi public sex, dirty talk (degradation and praise), unprotected sex, food, rough ish sex?

-

You don’t remember when it started. The butterflies, the stolen glances across a room. Ever since you could remember, Carlos was always around. But he wasn’t here for you; you had to remind yourself. Your brother’s best friend. And yet, neither of you could deny the tension between you both. The way your fingers brushed when you handed him your plate, offering to wash it for you after dinner, caused you to subconsciously hold your breath. ”Need some help?” Sauntering into the kitchen where Carlos was washing the dishes. You don’t miss how his lips turned into a smile upon seeing you. Picking up the dishes he just washed, you began drying them beside him, taking quick looks at him from the side of your eye but making sure he doesn’t see. Flipping a plate over, you accidentally splash him with water. Your hands immediately went to your mouth to apologise, but you couldn’t help the giggles pouring from you. “Yeah? You think that’s funny?” He wrapped his arm around your waist to hold you still while turning the tap towards you, soaking the white oversized shirt you wore. Pleading for mercy, to which he loosened his grip, you retaliated by turning the tap onto him. Stepping through the puddle of water you both caused, he turned off the tap. ”Truce?” He sticks out his pinky for you to shake, which you take happily. Pinkies interlocked, you look up at him, still giggling, but the giggles dissipate when you look into his big brown eyes. His eyes held yours for a moment before travelling down your body to the white shirt that had gone translucent and stuck to your body, leaving almost nothing to imagination apart from your bra and panties. Carlos’ clothes were no better. His grey shirt had darkened and stuck to his torso, revealing the lines and curves of his toned stomach. ”What the fuck?” Your brother’s voice echoed between Carlos and you as if a strike of lightning. You both jumped away from each other but still connected through your pinkies. As if there was an invisible piece of string connecting you both. Clearing your throat and crossing your arms over your chest to hide yourself, you announce that you were heading up for bed, unwilling to let go of Carlos’ hand. You wonder how you could possibly fall asleep knowing that Carlos would be in the room beside yours. The answer to that question was reluctantly. However, you eventually fell asleep to Carlos’ light snores through the thin walls of the house. And the moment the snoring ceased, so did the little sleep you received. Early in the morning, you heard a door open. Well aware of your family’s ability to sleep into the late hours of the morning, you knew whose door that was. You were suddenly wide awake and wanting to run out your door to see him. Needing to regain some dignity after letting him see you basically half-naked yesterday, you decided against leaving your room immediately. After what you believed was enough time, you found yourself walking downstairs into the kitchen, where a figure was rummaging through the fridge. Despite only being able to see his back, you knew who it was, of course. That was a back you caught your eyes lingering on many times. The way his muscles flexed through the thin shirt had you in a trance. “You’re up early.” He returned the milk carton to the fridge before turning around to see you. You simply hummed back because you couldn’t form coherent thoughts when Carlos looked like this. Sleepy eyes looking back at you from the opposite end of the island, slightly obstructed by his hair that was messy and looked somewhat damp from a shower, you assumed. His voice, raspy from the morning, had your knees buckling. You sit on the island's counter to avoid the embarrassment of passing out simply because he spoke. ”Wow. He cooks and cleans. Is there anything you can’t do, Mr Sainz?” Your eyes flitted from the stack of freshly cooked pancakes to Carlos. His eyes unmistakably darkened at your use of “Mr Sainz”, but his head still shook with a low chuckle, placing his hand on your bare thigh. Picking a strawberry out of the bowl of toppings, you lean towards Carlos. He opens his mouth instinctively to accept the sweet fruit out of your hand, keeping his eyes focused on you and the way you bit your lip when the juice of the strawberry leaked from his lips. His eye contact broke only when your hand reached up to wipe the juice dripping down his chin with your thumb, only to place the thumb in your own mouth to suck off the juice. His eyes connect with yours again, and your close proximity is not lost on either of you. Your hand rests on his flushed cheek, the light stubble scratching your hand as his chest rises and falls. Carlos hums before wrapping his hands around your thighs to pull you towards the edge of the counter and moving in between your legs. Your faces were so close you could feel his warm breath from his slightly parted lips. He looked so pretty, like a prince straight out of Disney that you would have obsessed over when you were younger. You could’ve sworn you saw Carlos’ resolve crumble around you as his hands moved from your thighs to your head to catch your lips in a suffocating kiss. Years of sexual tension between you and Carlos finally being resolved had your head spinning in a whirlwind of lips, wandering hands and the taste of strawberries. The sudden action caused a squeal to leave your lips as your body connected with his, warm and hard. The feeling of his body in between your legs with your oversized shirt riding up and his clothed cock hardening for you from every minuscule movement you made, simply to find more friction and provoke him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, one arm reaching for his back, feeling the tensing muscles through his thin shirt, the other tugging slightly at the hair on the back of his neck, eliciting a silent moan from his mouth. His lips move from yours to your neck, letting your head fall back, and your legs wrap around his torso. Your fingers find the hem of his shirt, tugging slightly before he tugs it over his head, revealing his perfectly toned body, lightly speckled with hair. His lips are on yours again before his hands rest on your hips, inviting you to move them against him. You gasped at the feeling of him right where you needed him, and he used your gasp to delve deeper into your mouth. His fingers grip your hips and pull your shirt up for a better view. The feeling of the cold air and his hands on your overheating body stimulate you beyond belief. You pulled away from the kiss to breathe and look down at the way you slot in perfectly with him. Carlos tilts your head to look at him and lets his thumb rub your swollen and bitten lips. Your lips attach to the skin of his chest, placing light kisses moving down his stomach. “Fuck. Need to feel your lips around me.” he groaned deeply before you pushed yourself off the counter. You find yourself on your knees for him pulling down his grey sweatpants and boxers to reveal his cock spring up. It was intimidating how big he was. If you weren’t so needy, you would’ve made a cliche comment about his size, but there was no need; Carlos already knew. He could tell by your face and subsequently chuckled. Looking up at him through half-lidded eyes while you stroke it, you observe the way his head falls back for a moment from the pleasure before landing back on you, focusing intently on what you’re doing as if he would rather die than miss this. His eyes bore into your own, but not with the chocolate brown colour you know so well. A darker tint of brown has invaded, causing your thighs to clench together. You place the head of his cock in your mouth. The warm feel of it causes an involuntary moan in you that is reciprocated by Carlos. His hand wrapped around your hair, guiding you along his cock and allowing you to take it in full. Caressing it with your tongue, Carlos’ grip on your hair tightened as the muscles in his legs clenched. Carlos has spent so long seeing you flaunt in short skirts and cropped tops around your house. Spent so long watching your long legs as you walked or when you crossed your legs as you sat. Carlos remembers the day he started feeling like this towards you. It was a hot summer day, and he volunteered to drive you and your brother to get ice cream. Seeing the way you lapped up the ice cream as it dripped down your hand and the moan you let out when the cold liquid touched your tongue haunted Carlos’ dreams for weeks. Dreams that resulted in him having to take a long, cold shower. On the drive home from the ice cream parlour, Carlos was silent and painfully hard in his pants as he avoided looking at you in the rearview mirror unless they wanted to completely drive off the road. Carlos couldn’t believe this wasn’t one of his many dreams. You were real and kneeling before him, letting him fuck your pretty little throat. Your cheeks hollowed and wrapped around him tightly before pulling it out and letting your tongue swirl around the tip, catching all the pre cum. Carlos’ small groans start speeding up, as does your mouth on his cock, but he pulls you away using your hair. ”Need to be inside you.” His hands find their way around your thighs again to lift you up and place you back onto the edge of the counter, ripping your panties off and discarding them somewhere in the kitchen. Dipping his finger in the bowl of whipped cream left for forgotten pancakes, he draws a line on the inside of your thigh, stopping before the apex and letting you suck the whipped cream off his finger. Your back connected with the cool surface of the kitchen island, unable to take this amount of pleasure as Carlos dropped his head between your thighs and began lapping up the whipped cream. The frustrated groan you released when Carlos’ tongue stopped before he reached your heat was disrupted when you felt him drag the tip of his cock up and down your needy folds with ease from how slick you were. Your hips rutted towards his, needing him inside you or at least some friction. Finally, he began pushing, feeding his cock into you. Your eyes clenched closed at the overwhelming pressure you felt. No other boy had stretched you out like this, but none of them were Carlos Sainz. The shared moan that left both your mouths once he bottomed out inside you was intoxicating. You shiver momentarily at the loss when he pulls out of you, but all was forgotten as he slams back into you again He was everywhere— around you, inside you. So overwhelmingly good you understood why you waited so long for this. ”Faster, please” Carlos’ grip on your hips tightened, hearing you begging for him, happily speeding up his pace, hearing your little whimpers from every movement. His hand reaches up to grab your tits, kneading and flicking your nipple to perfection. Carlos had to restrain himself from cumming when he saw how sensitive your nipples were and how you responded to him. ”Fuck you’re perfect. This pretty cunt— so wet. all this for me?” His hand left your tits to attack your clit, rubbing in small circles that had you throwing your head back in pleasure. “Answer me.” He ceased his movements on your clit and began thrusting agonisingly slow. You tried moving your hips to find some friction, but his hands pressed your hips into the counter to stop you from moving. ”Fuck Carlos. It’s all for you. It’s always been you.” Carlos sped up once more. Faster than before. Faster than you thought was humanly possible. The sound of an alarm clock upstairs caught you off guard, the thought of someone— let alone your brother finding you like this. Fucking his best friend. And yet, the tightening feeling in your core didn’t disappear but got stronger. ”Please, can I cum?” He slows down, staving off your orgasm. Unable to move your own hips, Carlos set the pace, and apparently, Carlos did not care that someone could walk downstairs at any moment. He wanted to relish in this moment. The feeling of you beneath him and begging for release. He wanted this image to be ingrained into his memory for the rest of his life. “Cum for me, cariño.” Your legs shaking and releasing a moan that was much too loud for comfort, your orgasm hit you at full force. His hand slammed over your mouth to prevent anyone from hearing, although Carlos would love for the whole neighbourhood to hear you scream his name. His thrusts didn’t cease through your orgasm. Instead, they sped up. Twitching inside of you, he asks where you want it. ”Inside me, please. Fill me up.” Mumbling behind Carlos’ hand that was still firmly over your mouth and was now covered in your spit. Without warning, you felt it. Like a warm flood within you, pushed around by Carlos’ slow thrusts. His cum trickled down your thigh when he pulled out, and you both stood there in silence, listening to each other’s heavy breathing. Footsteps walking down the stairs sprung you both into action, however. Wide eyed for a moment before frantically adjusting your shirt back on and Carlos pulling up his sweatpants with no time for his shirt. ”Morning.” Your brother rubbed his eyes as you and Carlos stood behind the island. No panties on you. No shirt on Carlos. Both were discarded somewhere in the kitchen and soon to be found by your brother. “What are you guys doing? Where’s your shirt, mate?” Your brother’s eyes went between Carlos and you as you pretended to just notice that Carlos had no shirt on. ”Oh, pancakes. You want some?” Your brother offering you as if he was the one that made it. You shook your head before seeing the way your brother loaded his pancakes up with strawberries and whipped cream. You had to bite your lip to hold in a laugh as Carlos’ cheeks flushed. Walking behind your brother, you find your panties and Carlos’ shirt, sending him a wink before walking back upstairs with the clothing items in hand. Leaving Carlos to deal with your brother and the pancakes that were now cold.

-

[rayroseu]

Rambles about Book 7 lol

AAAAAAAÀAAA 😭😭😭 THIS IS SO AUGHHH THE MEANING BEHIND THIS INFO !!!!!! knowing that the first thought of Lilia in encountering Silver was that he should kill him to avenge Meleanor and Levan and that his purpose of adopting him is that he wants to believe he can love a human as well AND LILIA TEACHING THIS HUMAN BABY HOW TO LIVE DESPITE THE MANY CHANCES HE GOT TO GET RID OF HIM AUGJAURIWUTJW AND MAY I SAY LILIA WENT FROM DISTANTLY BEING ATTACHED TO THIS BABY AND THEN TRANSITIONING UNTO WANTING FOR HIM TO LIVE AND WITNESS HIM GROW UP AAAAAAA😭😭✨✨✨

IF I CRYYYY MELEANOR HAUNTS THE NARRATIVE 😭💞💕💞✨

LMAO not the faes snitching this info to malleus ofmg 😭✨

lowkey this is me as well i think babies are kinda ugly too KDHJAEJ especially when they cry 💀🔥🔥

YOU CALL THIS ADORABLE HELPPPP 🤣🤣🤣okay but in all seriousness, we rarely get this easy sarcastic Malleus, he's always too formal around NRC and often his humor lands amiss to other charas which doesnt prompt him to present this trait, but its so sweet that he seemed to be "truly himself" in the cottage scenes where its just him Lilia and Silver🥺✨ his voice doesnt feel "authoritative" too like a dorm leader, its just malleus and his difficulty in getting along with the random baby lilia caught lol

I remember this line was translated as a flower nectar?? but they kinda saying the same and i like this paraphrase that Lilia thinks of Milk as nectar for baby humans, like how Malleus often relates tech to some magical ritual lol

crying at this line, knowing that Malleus says this because he has broken several many things bcs he couldnt control his strength and perhaps there were things that Lilia owns that he accidentally destroyed as well so he tries to mend this uncontrollable strength of his in order to not be an inconvenience😭✨

NURSEMAID???? YEAH NURSEMAID CALLED LILIA VANROUGE 😭😭💔💔💔 and AAAAA not once did Malleus search for this tune??? not even sing it to Maleficia and Lilia so as to inquire about it 😭✨💔💔 this is when you know this lullaby IS truly MELEANOR'S LULLABY because everyone of the characters only heard it from her !!!😭😭😭💔💔

I love this response from Malleus lol, also i feel like some situation will challenge Lilia's love for humans again, like can you still love humans if they commit the same crime again to Malleus as they did with Meleanor?? Twisting their personality and actions so as to validate their fear?? Can you still say that faes should make an effort to make peace with them when repeatedly it was the humans who wasnt willing to udnerstand faes to begin with ? 😭✨ its a realistic worry fitting for a king that'll rule for centuries, maybe bcs he has this instinct that humans are epehemeral and so are their promises.

Thinking about it a bit more, its true that what Levan does is futile effort because the issue between humans and faes, Briarland and Silver Owls is too much that it cant be resolved by just understanding each other.

Levan wants the war to stop but obviously that can't happen because the bigger factions of each natioj are resolute at their stance that Briarland is owned by faes or humans, no in between. He can't immediately fix the mentality of higher faes and Meleanor with their hatred of humans and vice versa with the human officials like Henric,

but what he can do to decrease the casualties of this conflict is to pave way for the COMMON folk to understand each other, if he can make way for the common fae and the common human to talk to each other, then it might decrease the misunderstanding between the common fae and common human (assuming that both parties arw willing to be understanding)

its really a long shot and a gamble to aspire for considering his country's situation, and its effects would take a while to impact and honestly it took so much important people and years just to have his dream of peace, i wish we could get an input about what he feels about this

considering his kindness he might be happy, but im kinda sad its really tragic the implication of how the faes had to earn their peace and atone for a conflict that they didnt even start with,

based on Lilia, it took 400 YEARS just for the humans to sign a peace treaty, maybe in the eyes of the faes, thats just a piece of paper, so they waited and grieved the lost of their Princess Meleanor and many of their fae soldiers and Prince Levan and ALMOST the entirety of their continent, just for these humans to sign an 400 year long overdued peace treaty?? so the faes that died couldve been saved if these humans could spare some compassion and ink to sign a treaty-- It kinda feels like they're insulting their grief (in the faes point of view atleast), whats the purpose of having this paper peace treaty when they have lost so much already?? I WISHHH the story could delve more into the grief of faes,

kinda lowkey mad they just swept Lilia's grief by the humans just cuz he encountered a few good ones, i wouldve love to see him being vengeful then learning how to convert that grief to love again just like Maleficent in the live action, bcs it would be very meaningful on this way, Lilia can truly say he has learned how to love because he experienced real deep hatred---but AAA its whatever this storyline is good as well, just kinda feels general lilia's belief converted to present!lilia a bit too fast to my liking lol

its really intriguing how before book 7 the faes dislike of humans seems so dramatic but now after book 7 it all makes too much sense 😭✨

(can you guys tell i play too much reverse 1999 bcs i ramble too much about morals and politics between different races now JHDJWHRJW)

[riacte]

Arguments for The Incident being scripted:

This is Doc’s baby. Like everyone knows you don’t mess with it

A bunch of hermits are returning / have announced they’re returning, perfect time to stir up drama

The main “actors” being Grian + Scar vs Doc, tried and true shitstirrers on the HC server + fan favourite duos

The perfect cocktail of old / classic Hermitcraft meme tropes. Among Us. Grian and Mumbo’s silly back and forth. The back of his base bit. Scar’s appropriately inappropriate comments about Doc’s hole. Grian vs Doc (again). The perfect opportunity for “Listen Grian, nobody touches my redstone” (which is a fandom wide meme). Like if this is scripted, they really threw in a bunch of shit that used to be popular / is still popular with the fans 💀

All I’m saying is that they really tossed a bunch of popular tropes in a blender (intentionally or not), like these eps have the markings of classic Hermitcraft drama

The nostalgia / familiarity of the above tropes + returning hermits + drama = yay viewership!!

The way everyone is MILKING this for all it’s worth— Scar’s dramatic irl sequence— Doc’s tweets + retweeting fanart— it’s the perfect way to drum up attention and content

Arguments for The Incident not being scripted:

Grian and Scar’s genuine screams of terror. Like that was good acting if it was scripted

The fact that they spent THREE HOURS talking about it in discord. And the hermits had a watchparty. Like I don’t think they usually mention behind the scenes details like that for “scripted content”, so this I feel strongly supports the non-scripted theory

AND the watchparty hermits all agreed they were in so much trouble… suggesting a spontaneous event leading to spontaneous reactions

Same with Scar showing a screenshot of the bore in a genuine attempt to repair it— like there’s sincerity there

As above, Grian mentioning it was like 2am his time (and him saying it was late when he was forced to do the back of his base)

However, I won’t be surprised at all if they tried to script a conflict but accidentally ended up blowing Doc’s complex redstone which was not what they expected— hence the mass panic lmao

Parts of the HC fandom would probably genuinely annoyed at Grian and Scar for “blowing up Doc’s stuff”, which makes me think they probably won’t script it as extreme as this

Regardless:

Ohhh they’re really in it now

Everyone found it funny enough to not only include it in their episodes, but milk it for all its worth

You just know Doc’s enjoying being an absolute terror on Twitter. He’s even been RTing fanart

A bunch of people are talking about this already, so yay the perfect drama to invigorate a mid season slump (it’s been feeling kind of peaceful lately)

I hope everyone goes insane with this. They deserve it <3

[alwaysshallow]

[Scene: Reader is tied to a chair being interrogated by TF 141 with no success]

Ghost: “Do ya wanna know why they call me Ghost?” [pulls out a knife]

Y/n: “…….’Cause you’re ashy?”

Ghost: 👀

Y/n: 👀

Tf 141: “Oh my God.” “A-ain’t no way she just said— ahahahaha!” “Ayooo!” “She’s not wrong. Have you seen his elbows?”😳😂😬💀😭

LMAOOO I LOVE THIS

you're a mercenary that's been too long out of their catch - obviously, when they caught you, they were pretty determined to milk every information from you.

well, it's not so easy. two days, and absolutely nothing comes out from you, you're just... silent, snarky from time to time.

so, it's time for ghost, who wants to try a bit different methods. he wants to make you feel threatened, as he pulls out a knife and asks if you know why they call him ghost.

yet, you have a comment for this, asking if it's because he's ashy.

and then, the rest of task force goes mad laughing, trying to keep calm tho, but they simply can't

ghost be like "you're all unprofessionals" and he just furrows his eyebrows.

"and you're ashy" goes soap and ghost just LMAO gives him the look and soap just. takes a few steps back bc he doesn't want to be killed yet, he has years to live

gaz comments something about making you suffer with ghost's big hands and you just. smirk bc that would be something good tho

[flamingostalker]

OK like the Fili milk scene. Thorin there in the background always made me lol bc I was picturing him being kind of grossed out like one of those people who find plain milk disgusting but if milk is really difficult to get to get and impossible to store what if Thorin is watching Fili drink milk (one of his favorite foods, a treat he used to only get on his birthday) and feeling like. Shame. Guilt. For not being able to give his family more in Ered Luin. And also a renewed determination to give Fili a better future, one where he’ll someday be King. And get all the milk and butter he wants. What if. What if. 🤔

YEAH WHAT IF. WHAT IF THAT YEAH. WHAT IF🫨

this is also crazy cuz i been talking to @oatmilktruther this weekend about thorin really struggling with feeling like he's earned certain comforts and really harming himself because he's holding himself to Impossibly High Standards. so on top of him finding plain milk disgusting (hilarious, adopted as hc immediately💀) i think also he might see that luxury and be like. "Fili should be able to have this every day. Until I can provide this I, of course, don't deserve dairy at all" And maybe not even then😵‍💫what if

[azaliyas]

Hi! I saw this cute tik tok where Alhaitham is autistic and his weighted blanket was being washed so he was very grumpy snd couldn’t fall asleep so like kaveh decided to lay on top of him to try and emulate the blanket.

If it’s ok can you do that but alhaitham x reader, romantic and established relationship? Sorry if it’s confusing 😭

summary : alhaitham is a man of simple requests and simple needs, but when they're not met, like his precious blanket not being on him for the night, it can become quite the problem. luckily for him you, his amazing lover, have a solution that he will gladly enjoy (but he will never admit it).

word count : [ to be added later ]

genre : fluff.

cw / tw : none.

characters : alhaitham.

note : omg me?? posting?? what a rare occasion 💀 yes i'm not dead and i'm still writing! i just forget to post '^' anyway anon i'm sorry for the delay 😭 you have the right to bonk me if you want, i deserve it anyway ;-; this idea was so cute tho, i need to see that tiktok even if i don't ship haikaveh lol // i have more pieces ready they just need proofreading (if i can find the will to, otherwise to hell with that :D). on a serious note 1) i didn't understand much about weighted blankets so if this piece is off eeeeehhhh i tried 2) internet said that habibti was the right word, but if habibi is the one let me know please! hope you can enjoy this, sorry my sporadic appearances 🫠❤️

a few years into your relationship with alhaitham you learned quite the number of curious facts about the scribe that many didn't know — not because alhaitham kept them a secret, but only because of his reserved personality that didn't make him open up to the first person that was in front of him.

the scribe liked his coffee burning hot with no sugar and just a little sip of milk, enjoying it sitting at the same spot of the kitchen table every morning. he also liked working out mostly in the evening and take a shower right after. alhaitham loved sleeping on your chest, the sound of your heartbeat a comforting lullaby.

speaking of sleeping habits, alhaitham could only sleep with his weighted blanket wrapped around his body. because of this, the scribe was very attentive in washing it during the day so it would be dry for the evening. that was one of the first things you taught yourself to do in order to help your boyfriend, a gesture that had the dendro user fall harder for you.

at least, that's what you succeeded to do until today. the rain didn't allow the blanket to dry during the whole day, and so by the evening it was still dump. impossible to let it be used, even when you had hung out the blanket before starting cooking dinner for tonight. by the time you and alhaitham had to turn in for the night, it was still wet. and cold. defeated, you had to put the weighted blanket aside.

you found alhaitham standing near the mattress in your shared bedroom, pyjama on and ready to crash the bed and fall asleep. that was, but his blanket was amiss.

your groan came out sounding more like a whine noticing this scene. you cursed the rain while scrambling your thoughts trying to find a solution.

«it's fine.» alhaitham said, turning on his feet to look at you. you knew he was lying.

«it's not! how are you supposed to fall asleep without your blanket?!» you whined again, a sound of exasperation leaving your throat right after.

«i can put more blankets on top of each other. it's not a problem.» your boyfriend rebutted, walking toward the wardrobe.

alhaitham pulled out some blankets and started laying them on the bed one after the other. deep down the scribe knew it wasn't the exact same thing, but a weighted blanket had its purpose in the deep-pressure touch that brought calmness and comfort. and that deep-pressure touch was given by the heavy weight. by logic, more blankets on top of each other had to be enough heavy.

but for once in his life, alhaitham was wrong. it was a weird feeling, but not as weird as tossing around back and forth, incapable of sleeping for more than five minutes before waking up again. his movements and his grumbling had you waking up.

you turned on your side and faced your boyfriend, just in time to meet his gaze. he furrowed his brows as soon as he noticed you staring at him.

«sorry for waking you up.» he murmured, annoyance clear in his voice. not at you, of course, but at his incapacity of falling asleep.

you looked at him, eyes focused, and alhaitham knew you were thinking hard about something, but what that something was he didn't know.

without a word you dragged yourself on top of alhaitham, who laid on his back as you took place on his chest, your blanket wrapping around both your bodies. your head rested in the crook of his neck, your hands gently pressed on his chest, right above where his heart was.

«habibti... what are you doing?» alhaitham looked at you like you just grew a second head on your shoulders.

«well, the comfort of a weighted blanket is in its weight, right?» you asked, raising your head to look at him. alhaitham slowly nodded. «hence my position: i will act as your blanket for the night.»

to say the scribe was flabbergasted was an euphemism. he didn't mind your wonderful mind and colorful ideas, after all it was one of the reasons why he fell in love with you, but sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if you the hamster running on your wheel wasn't actually high on something.

«it doesn't make sense.» he rebutted.

«this is where you're wrong, haitham. it does. weighted blankets have their purpose in their weight, that brings comfort thanks to the fact they mimic a hug, helping you release serotonin and dopamine, hormones that soothe you and help you sleep.»

you concluded your explanation with a satisfied smile, chin resting on your knuckles while you looked at your speechless boyfriend. it was a very rare occurrence to leave the scribe without anything to say, and almost all of the times it was because of you.

sighing and subtly rolling his eyes, alhaitham decided at last to try your idea and sleep like that — although, your chest was a much better pillow than the feather ones his head was currently laying on.

...

oh what a delight was to see your boyfriend's stunned face the next morning, the heaviness of sleep still clinging to his god-touched features as he was blinking away from the sun rays pouring from the window.

«don't.» he grumbled.

your smile turned into a knowing smirk.

«told ya!» you happily chimed.

© azaliyas 2023 do not copy repost translate or feed to ai

[yeah-w-r-i-t-e]

okay @real-hawkguy was kind enough to provide me a way to watch minority report (thank you again!!!) so here were my thoughts throughout the movie

put it below a break cause i had. a lot of thoughts

aw man i feel sorry for this guy who's about to murder his wife

oh my god what the fuck this man has no eyes in his holes

NO NOT HIS SON I FUCKING LOVE DEPRESSED DADS

this man in the wheelchair sounds like the polar express conductor

this thing with quite literal targeted ads saying your full name as you wall by is a literal nightmare 💀 if the walls kept calling out my legal name every time i walked by i'd never go outside

ummm that scene where john goes through a conveyor belt car factory seems awfully similar to that scene in star wars: attack of the clones...fun fact minority report came out almost exactly a month after attack of the clones...i'm not saying there's a connection but what the fuck

also everyone gathered at the window thinking john was squished into a car as it was being built and then john slowly rising up to look them in the eye is infinitely hilarious why'd he do that

why does tom cruise always have so much sexual tension with old women wtf??? this lady kissed him for NO REASON

NO IS HE GONNA GET HIS EYES SUCKED OUT??? I'VE HAD SO MANY NIGHTMARES ABOUT THIS EXACT SCENARIO

john saying he wants to keep his eyes "because my mother gave them to me" i'm going to strangle him with my bare hands

why the FUCK did they leave a MOLDY SANDWICH in the FRIDGE what the FUCK

MOLDY FUCKING MILK I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF

why are the cops using the mechanical spiders from despicable me...

oh no not his beautiful face...i'm watching this movie for tom not thomas!!!

HIS EYEBALLS ARE ROLLING AWAY

it's a fucking BILLBOARD lmao love that

umm the murder is 12 minutes away but i've still got 45 minutes of movie left...suspicious

i swear i've seen this hotel clerk before. he reminds me of bugs. if anyone knows why this guy reminds me of bugs please tell me

ok i love how we can see visible redness around john's eyes

"I am going to kill this man" with that FACE AAAHHHHHH I LOVE IT

oh my god i THOUGHT i saw the twist coming but then the twist had ANOTHER TWIST

NO THE SECOND TWIST HAD A THIRD TWIST FUCK

ohhh but i should have seen it coming. cause he didn't have a minority report. damn you good movie for making me forget that D:<

NO JUST AS I WAS STARTING TO LIKE THE GUY!!!

tom cruise in muscle tank...

okay i feel like john's line about not recognizing his son at this age is gonna become relevant at some point. but i could just be hoping for too much [edit: i was hoping for too much]

why are the chitauri attacking lara's house lmao

NO DON'T KISS THE UNCONSCIOUS WOMAN STOP okay he didn't kiss her that was close

HE'S BALD?????????????????????????????????????????????????

YES I LOVE LARA

the red ball with VICTIM JOHN ANDERTON YESSSS

stopppp i forgot he's bald:/

okay but why'd he kill himself. what was the point. did he just not want to go to prison??? he would've been let out anyways

OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER KID

aww and agatha gets a cute bisexual bob

[eliteseven]

i just have to curse more people with this knowledge as well: i cant think of anything related to viconia or shar or selune without remembering when i was playing baldurs gate 1 enhanced for the first time and Viconia called Selune "the Milkmaiden" 💀

...🥴 this led me down a very odd rabbit hole.

Apparently Selûne's followers made her milk offerings??? I think Selûne was into the milk scene:

According to the FR wiki on two separate pages:

"Some folk believed silver to be Selûne's hardened tears.[50] Silver cups were the favored receptacles for milk offerings to Selûne."

and

"Many rituals revered a woman's role as a teacher and role model, both in the home and in society. Milk, a sacred fluid, was a vital holy substance in ceremonies." "Rituals often involved offerings of milk or wine and dancing, and were performed as personal matters. Followers of the Moonmaiden would often set bowls of milk outside on nights when the moon was full. Clerics prayed for their spells at night while facing the moon, if it was out and visible."

....thank you for this info, anon. 😅

[kyros-tha-soldier]

ONE PIECE CHAPTER 1098 FULL SUMMARY (AND SOME SCREENSHOTS)

⚠️Spoiler alert⚠️

This... this is disheartening, this is sad, messed up and disheartening... honestly if Luffy doesn't exterminate every single CD then I'm dropping OP forever. Let's get to the sauce:

-the chapter starts with the revolutionary army having a battle, and Kuma assisting in it despite Ivankov telling him not to go and that he was being reckless.

-since Ginny's disappearence, Kuma has gotten a lot more violent on the battlefield and has even fought against the enemy on his own and won.

-the revos receive a call from someone and when they pick up, the person tells them that they're sorry, and that their whole troop has been killed. This person of course, is none other than Ginny.

-Kuma tells his comrades that he will go rest on the ship since he was pretty exhausted from the battle, a battle that lasted three years that he single handedly won.

-two years after Ginny's disappearance, the revos receive a call from her, we can hear a baby crying in the background and she tells Kuma that she may not make it because she was seriously ill, she also tells him that she had been forced to marry a celestial dragon (we're not told who this CD is) and that he threw her out with her newborn baby after They both got the disease. She tells Kuma that she is Currently at the church where they used to live together. and that she made it over there by sailing under the sun and shielding her own baby using her own body.

-the sapphire scale disease is a very rare disease that causes the patient's skin to turn into a hard crystallized scale-like state upon contact with any natural light. So Ginny travelling to get back home while exposing herself to the sunlight and moonlight was literally a death sentence.

-Upon hearing that she's at the church, Kuma goes to find her, right before she says her last words "I have always, always loved you, Kuma..."

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD OH MY GOD ODA SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP THIS!!!!

GODDAMIT are you happy now????? You made Ginny die a terrible death, and the only man she ever loved didn't even hear her saying that she had always loved him!!!!! Fuck this shit god holy fuck!

-Kuma arrives at the church, it's empty, and we can see him kneeling in front of Ginny's dead body, we only see her hand and foot, they are badly damaged by the disease. Kuma starts Crying and holds her dead body in his arms before putting her into rest at a grave, the grave marker has her name on it, which is confirmed to be Ginny.

-Kuma takes it upon himself to raise little Bonney (he didn't name her bonney, it was Ginny who named her) however he is clueless about so many things regarding parenting, we see him asking the elderly for advice on how to make milk for Bonney 🥺 (they say that they would gladly help him but that he should put her in a cage so he won't crush her during his sleep... BROOOOO THESE ELDERLY MFS ARE SAVAGE AS HELL 💀💀💀)

-Kuma starts to balance between his work as revolutionary and a new surrogate parent. We see him holding the milk bottle so little Bonney can drink, and she chugs it in no time. Kuma calls her "a big eater" just like he used to do for Ginny.

-We see a montage of Bonney growing up, and she calls Kuma "papa", to which he burst out in tears (he reminds me of Kyros in this scene.... WHAT'S WITH ODA AND BIG SOFT DADS BEING ALL TEARJERKERS ?????) We see him assisting in revolutionary battles and training Sabo as well as taking care of his daughter in his hometown, scenes of him bathing her and sleeping next to her

-however it's not all fun and games (Oda: of course this is Kuma's flashback, it has to be messed up to the max!) And we see Gyogyo and his friend (Bonney's two future subordinates) come to the church, and Kuma orders them to lock the door. They comply and close it but notice that he had also closed the windows completely shut with woodbplanks, they ask him why he did that and he tells them that it's because Bonney shouldn't be exposed to light (he shows them a small spot of crystalized scales on her face near her cheek where she will have her piercing in the future). He tells dragon and iva that he will quit being a revolutionary so he can take care of Bonney

-The kids bully Bonney and call her a vampire, she beats them and gives them the middle finger, and when she tried to get out Kuma stops her, fearing she might get exposed to sunlight. Instead he brings her books from all around the world to read.

-Kuma takes Bonney to so many other doctors, some of which mis-diagnosed her with the amber-lead disease (the same disease law had)

-a doctor diagnoses her with the sapphire scale disease and tells Kuma that even though she didn't get exposed to natural light, the illness will still kill her slowly and she won't make it pass 10 years old

-Bonney overhears them and Kuma lies to her that the doctor said she will be cured in ten years, he calls her Jewelry because of the small patch of sapphire scales that she has on her face

-the two of them start dancing. Kuma asks Bonney where would she like to go and she tells him that she dreams of travelling the world and going to skypia and drum island.

-News about the return of King Beckori to the throne, and the elderly people tell Kuma that the king wants to exterminate those who oppose him, Kuma is shocked by the news, and the chapter ends.

Okay, overall impression of the chapter:

I am at a loss of words... I am appallled I'm... I'm...

and to think that we're not done and we still have more!!!!! KUMA WILL STILL SUFFER MORE AND MORE AND EVEN MORE!

but for now, I want to clear the air with some cute panels, if we gone remember Kuma, might as well remember him for the big softie he is:

people said Oda didn't draw well in this manga like, Nuh uh this shit looks AMAZING than whatever scribbles he used to give us! the dark undertones and shadows, wow, just WOW!

on a sidenote: Bonney is confirmed to be twelve, yikes oda....

Edit: I'm a dum dum bum bum and I mistook Bonney saying she wants to visit Fishman Island with her wanting to visit drum island

[tawus]

Happy Birthday to Zaddy Toji Fushiguro here are 150 towards devoted to him~<3

on the bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counter, on the table, on the floor, on the balcony, in the shower, in front of the mirror, semi-public, DA BEACH~, melons, front, back, sideways, legs open, shouting, tight, wet, bondage, gagging, lingerie, a man and his stick, doggy style, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, moaning, hair pulling, scratch marks, hickeys, loud loud, noise complaint, sheets gripping, jaw-dropping, tongue rolling, Twinkie, creamy, gushy, lip locking, pounding, vile, vulgar, name calling, oral, anal, 69, call the ambulance for me, legs tangled, bed soaked, bed dead, chair, chair dead, blow job, mind-blowing, make-outs, hickeys, an absolute beast, salty taste, 10 inches, 3 veins, bulge, woops~ my panties slipped~, whole cake ass bakery, biting, marking, claiming, single parent?, Megumi's half-sibling?, half-siblings?, daddy gonna get milk, your friends don't know what you taste like but I do~, Alexa be a darling and play Fantasize by Ariana Grande.

Oh! And water! LOTS of water

This is the oldest ask in my inbox and it’s about 4 months old 😅 Mokona ayo, you wrote it like you're ready to risk everything, including your happy marriage with Gojo, for a frisky night with Toji 👀 These are mad fertile grounds for Toji scenarios btw, so if y'all vote for one of these, I'll put out a lil drabble on the most voted topic 😌

Toji’s birthday is on 31st December apparently btw, which I consider to be yet another cruel joke by Gege 💀

As for myself, I wanted to write a scene from my Toji longfic idea as a response to this ask. In the conception of the fic idea, I often lamented (and still do) how reduced, sexualised, and simplified Toji is in 99% ‘Toji x Reader’ fics. But then it occurred to me that the goddamn scene I’d chosen to write for him and release to the world first – was chock full of sexual content as well. I was doing the exact same thing that I was trying to address in the Toji/Reader fandom…

I realised it doesn’t always have to be sex with him. So here’s some wholesome beachtime fluff with Toji 💕

Face to face with him at last. Just you and him. Like he’d always promised you.

At long last you could take in the calm stillness of his Zenin features, not strained by his resentment of the lineage, not squeezed by his rage with its present members.

His wide forehead was as smooth as sea. His onyx bangs oscillated like pirate sails over his fanning black lashes – ever a rebel. Even like this, with you. Even as his lips parted, guardless at last against you, not scowling and not pressed in his fury with his clan, ready to finally accept your seal. The dagger-shaped scar at their edge – his unique signature to every kiss he ever gave you, the subtle ridge of which you’d always licked before engulfing him in your love, the ridge you could never ignore — for it was Toji, his history, his mouth.

Even as his broad chest lay bare for you to hug, to embrace, to compress with your heart, to press your happy tears against…it wasn’t really the same.

In this sunlight embalming the beach, Toji finally didn’t push you away. He accepted you. He didn’t tense.

You hugged him tightly like you’d always wanted, while red streaked down the corner of his mouth like dry saffron and his emerald greens glowed emptily toward the fading sky.

The sky that was calm. The beach calm. The sea – calm. Toji – so calm.

Too.

Too calm.

Calmness attained only by one state.

Death.